im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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