I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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