I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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