Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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