Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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