Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
