I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
