Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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