He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
