i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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