So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
