During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
