It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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