Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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