you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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