I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
