Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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