i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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