Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
