WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
