I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this boner is exhausting
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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