Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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