wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
