if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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