I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
