Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
