You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
