I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
