I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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