WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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