when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
