DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
