Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
