The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
