im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
two words: eviction party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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