CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
