You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
