did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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