maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize