you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
