Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
