accomplished twins. life is a go
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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