Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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