so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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