My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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