I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
