i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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