Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
