I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
