i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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