Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
