Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
