I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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