We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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