She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
