my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
