i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
