At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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