ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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