you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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