He is an equal opportunity slut.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
