well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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