Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And then he peed in my hair
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