Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
