Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
