so that wasnt chicken after all
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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