I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
